| what goes around comes around |
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| 09:44am 11/09/2010 |
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hmmmmm karma.
its good to have somewhere to release your feelings
im glad nobody uses live journal anymore.
where to start.
im a cheater.
i cheat on my boyfriend every chance i get
and im not sure why
maybe the attention
maybe im just tryng to keep my options open since i know he doesnt want to marry me
im broke
like beyond broke
i pay every single one of our bills
he never helps
and he knows im broke and cant be troubled to help
its driving me insane
i want so many things mostly material
and im not sure if im ever going to get them |
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3 liars -tell me a lie |
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| 08:42pm 26/05/2008 |
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i miss my boyfriend so much i want him to come home i hope he isnt mad at me i hope he comes home and gets over all the crap he may be mad at me for i cant deal with him being gone and not talking to me at all we have spent the last million days togethert |
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tell me a lie |
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| i told him i loved him........and i might have meant it? |
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| 08:36am 20/01/2008 |
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mood:  curious
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so for once the words i love you come out of my mouth with meaning.
i lay down to the man ive been holding out for.
he thinks my tractors sexy.
lol
actually i do care for ricco. hes amazing hes been through some pretty crazy stuff and ive been through some pretty crazy stuff we are tryin to make the right choices for our lives. i hope they all work out.
they tell me i am crazy. i bought him an xbox and i dont think hes showered since. theres alot of things he hasnt done.
..........we are so very sorry but there is little we can do. but swat them.
when you came to see me i introduced you to people who had taken care of me but i think i gave up the good that i was saving to be their "friend". i am sorry i dont know if i ever said that to you but i am sorry. you were more important to me then them and seeing as you had a bad experiance i cant help but feel like i am craving your approval of how i am doing now.
1-270-234-3336 you know who you are ....call me. |
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tell me a lie |
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| lol |
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| 11:51am 16/12/2007 |
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well so as quickly as things are made right they make themselves wrong all over again.
basically me and jon got together and things were going pretty good.
then he deicdes he is going to go into police academy. well that means for 16 weeks he is going to be away from me. and i just got my apartment and didnt want to be alone. so along comes ricco.
he makes me happy, hes funny and we have alot in common.
so he moves in, jon doesnt go to the academy and all this becomes a problem.
jon doesnt like him and things begin to develope behind closed doors.
now jon and i arent together and me and ricco kinda are.
who knows whats going on i love jon but things arent as perfect with him as they are with ricco. but that doesnt mean i want to throw everything i have with jon away, but ricco acts like he doesnt want me to be around jon at all.
so i tried hiding it that didnt work and i dont want to lie to ricco cause i dont want to lose him so ive cut off everything with jon, but i lay awake at night thinking about him and dreaming about him, once when me and ricco were about to get down i even said jons name.
ricco started out with one job then got hurt and lost it so he looked for another one and he got hired at a janitor place then he got his old job back and was workin both then he quit the day time job and kept the second one but he got laid off from that one and doesnt act like he cares. cause he doesnt he has almost no bills and he used to be in the army so he has money to go to school on. but im still stuck with all the bills and stuff.
who knows whats up now. |
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tell me a lie |
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| happiness |
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| 12:23am 01/05/2007 |
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do you think you can make yourself happy?
im not talking about the sick by yourself in the dark under the covers way.
i mean have you ever met someone who had all the means to make themselves happy but spent more time ruining their lives?
well i have and i wake up to her face in the mirror everyday.
wtf could be the problem here.
i mean why would i constantly put myself through this bullshit.
i dont get it and im not going to pretend that i do.
i miss you, and i mostly miss myself
the real me.
i hate the color pink
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3 liars -tell me a lie |
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| sometimes life is peachy and other times you get grapes, and apples, yeah the apples suck.... |
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| 12:09am 17/03/2007 |
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mood:  quixotic
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so life on the surface is wonderful.
place to live, gainfully employed, good friends, actually great friends, good drugs.
but...
i want to travel
i want to throw all my shit in a bag (ok this is me we are talking about its going to be like 50 bags).
lol
but i really want to go, i want to grab amanda, the car maybe even the dog some nag champas and a bag and drive. i dont know where we would go but i honestly dont care. just anywhere.
im tired of getting up in the morning to the same shit, dishes in the sink a dog that disrespects me and the dark cloud hanging over my head reminding me i have to go to work soon.
i know some people who need to be like pimp slapped.
or i dont know, injured.
like people who take to many napkins, people who dont flush, people who dont offer me gum when they are getting some. people who dont call you back when they know you are waiting for their call. Men who only call you late at night to hang out.
ok wait before this becomes one of those entries i'll lighten the mood.
we have an employee bathroom at my job, so when you poop everyone knows it was you,
my boss is a respectable old man, who took the worst shit today, he flushed like 40 times too and i had to pee so i was waiting for him to get done in the bathroom and it was awkward.
uh so anyways im done. |
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2 liars -tell me a lie |
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| what are good friends for....... |
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| 08:48am 07/03/2007 |
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wow.
last night was long.
got off work, went to lances took care of some buisness.
then...hannah had a breakdown about justin.
was a very long night, but we took care of the tears.
and i think maybe today she will be ok.
cross your fingers.
i have to go to work in a little bit.
i hate cardinal health. |
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tell me a lie |
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| since the things are up im going to get the duck tape...... |
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| 08:28am 04/03/2007 |
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mood:  bored
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lol. uh cause i sure dont want the up things to come back down.
Yeah. im supposed to be doing amandas homework right now but im not cause i dont really understand it. lol i mean how in the world do you pick a criminal to do your Corrections in america homework.
Anyways house update:
we got everything in and set up...except the living room suff and well we are waiting on like three ppl before we get any of that stuff figured out.
i have today and tomorrow off.
makes me very happy.
i know some ppl who need to come see me.
you know who you are now jump in your vehicle of choice make that boring 4 hr trip here and do it quickly before i go insane.
just got my nails done the other day. damn it hurts to type.
amandas boyfriend is laying in the bed behind me. lol werid ppl.
my stomach is growling. i may go eat some cereal.
yep thats the plan. |
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tell me a lie |
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| im to tired for this shit...... |
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| 07:36am 21/02/2007 |
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mood: confused
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everything rocks so much that it sucks
me and amanda signed the papers on our apartment.
we got it
its nice
me and lal are not at a very good point.
i love my job except for this asshole i work with
he made me so freaking mad last night that while slicing lettuce i managed to get about an inch of my thumb cut off.
but i wouldnt have a job right now if i wouldve went to the hospital so i have to deal with an incredible amount of pain. other then that its been a dream come true
im paying my rent 2 weeks early since my checks come at weird times and we dont want to be late on the rent.
im bored and while i should be packing im sitting here typing
everyone wants to live in the same townhouses as i do right now
like two girls from work are asking me about it
and one of them will be using my keys today to show her boyfriend
we dont have anything moved in yet cause we dont have time
i work from 2-10 everyday and amanda works days
and she is the worst morning person alive so getting her up before like 11 am on her days off is a joke
sniffle sniffle i will never get my stuff moved in.
and i really need to since friday is the last day we have paid for in the hotel
about two weeks ago i got a 644$ paycheck
ya know what i did with it.
nothing i wanted to save it and put the money into our apartment but i didnt know how long time it was going to take amanda to get her share of the money so i didnt worry about it well now she gets her money and now im broke
i got my check last night and it was only $500
so that sucks cause my rent is 292.50
which only leaves me about 200 left over.
50 of it is gone. ill spend another 100 before the day is over.
but what really sucks is i cant cash it until 10 am
and i woke up early to go shopping...stupid lady at the gas station obviously wants her teeth kicked in.
pooey that makes me all mad again.
damn...welp thats all i got for ya.
oh wait
i broke a rib while uh....doing the uh...horizontal polka.
lol and well yeah things were getting crazy and i fell and hit a table but we didnt stop needless to say i broke a rib, well then while i was at work i was in alot of pain like i was crying and stuff i went into the cooler to get pickles which come in a like huge bucket and when i bent over i heard a crack and immediatly was in horrid pain and started vomiting.
i was rushed to the er and while there they found a cist on my breast with had to get removed
and wow that hasnt been fun.
now i have some werid rash that itches like crazy. |
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tell me a lie |
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| well its been interesting to say the least.... |
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| 11:10am 16/01/2007 |
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mood:  chipper
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theres alot to update this time i no longer live with tj, tis sad sometimes but alas its been a good decision
still havent made it to olney yet, got another job so iwas working two for about a week but i quit papa johns theres just to much drama and crap revolving around that place.
uh sorta homeless i mean i have a place to stay everynight but i dont have a home. but all that is supposed to change this weekend.
we are getting a place this weekend!!!!! yah!!!!
the boy situation gets better and better all the time. sirlal is great. nuff said.
anywho, i work 7-11 and 2-10 today
oh i forgot to tell you where i work now. its called arnolds cafe. its like this way to over priced coffee cafe place but its gorgeous inside and the atmosphere is ridiculously nice. i went in there for coffee one day and decided i wanted to work there and now i do, im a prep cook on nights its kinda fun. i just pretty much prep all night and heat food up. but i gotta get going. talk to you all soon.
love -me |
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tell me a lie |
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| Does it really even matter anymore....... |
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| 03:39am 16/12/2006 |
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mood:  aggravated
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cause im sure it doesnt.
tonight work suck
wait hold on lets be real here everynight work sucks
the whole day today has just been unpleasant
and im sorry but i guess this is one of those days where i thought i would vent and get things off my chest but then after thinking about what to say i decided im just tired.
and maybe ill write later
nashville is okay with me, anywhere other than here |
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1 liar -tell me a lie |
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| 03:30pm 07/12/2006 |
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im not one hundred percent sure.
about anything.
im not sure what im going to do, im not sure why this is happening, im not sure why i should care.
im not sure if u care.
im not sure why i start to figure stuff out and stupid things happen that bring it all down.
im not sure why any
of this is the way it is, and how it got his way, im not sure of any of it anymore but what i am sure of
im terrifyed.
and im tired
of starting over again of making this thing look like its ok just to wake up next day striving to not drive myself crazy.
brandon thinks hes crazy
hes never stepped into my head
but like i said everytime i feel like i have a grip on things like maybe i can understand whats going on inside here something breaks my concentration so horribly that it takes months to get back where i was
and inst that insanity doing the same thing over and over again expecting diffrent results.
maybe i am insane for expecting anything diffrent. |
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1 liar -tell me a lie |
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| 06:04pm 28/11/2006 |
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i woke u` thism orning and was feeling crappy due to the soco from the night before.
plus i couldnt get into just the right position for sleep last night.
my wonderful roomie says we should go eat, plans being carried out from the days befores discussion.
So after debating and pondering, more debating we decided where we would eat. we ate at a chinese place. i loved it. prettu much the whole freakin state of kentucky is sick right now, so the spicy foods were awasomly clearing up my crappy insides. tj was drinking tea with his lunch and they bring it out in a pot and leave the pot after lunch and on his second pot i felt really good i mean like i just like how i felt and we walk outside and i just get that feeling. like when me and tucker would go eat and it was kinda a nice day out we would go to the country and drink, and talk, and just be in each others company, and when tj suggested we go for a drive in the country my heart really felt like it was about to like freain explode or something.
we were waiting on some smoke to arrive at our house so the plan was to wait for it, get it , roll it and go into the country.
we get it, he rolls it, and we dont go.
it sorta made me really sad.
cause i havent just went for a drive in a long time, nobodys really just wants to drive.
anyways. now my mood is ruined, and i feel like my whole day is turned into just crap.
cause i just made a pot of tea, so im a minute ill go wash the pot, and the other dishes then ill clan the kitchen and the living room and my room and the bathroom, then the washer is going to need to be fixed, then blah blah blah the yard and the trash the luandry. all these things need to be done since im jsut going to be here at home.
anyways, work is boring, people are boring, i cant seem to find that person who is on my level. which is frusterating.
i think im going to drink this tea, and maybe fall asleep. and worry about all this stupid crap in the morning.
enjoy anything in life....
---tracy |
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1 liar -tell me a lie |
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| my eye wont quit twitching.... |
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| 02:19am 19/11/2006 |
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lets see here.
uh 25 dollars later i got all the stupid laundry done. stupid laundry, really stupid laundromat.
the washer we have keeps leaking during the rinse cycle and that s not good since it sits on carpet.
my head is
about to explode.
nots with thoughts out of pure anger.
work is about to drive me into the crazy bin. the people we have working there are some of the dumbest people around.
hmm what else... oh i turn 21 on saturday. ive been seriously thinking about spending the weekend in olney. plus mariah is out.
thankgiving is coming up.
ive never really enjoyed thangsgiving, i mean yeah there is some pretty good stuff. but all in all the whole thing is messy. the cleanup after the meal and the guest and the people who are staying with us for the couple of days, and the completly stupid amount of relatives who dont bother to call you and ask you how you are doing during the year, all on this one day are asking you the same questions and your giving the same answers and they are giving the same resposes, oh my god it become less then amusing after the twentyith time of hearing it all day. plus there are the people who eat with their mouth open, and the little kids who are all spilling drinks. i just really hate the whole thing.except for the homemade banana ice cream. mmmm yeah the make it almost worth it since no where in kentucky can i find banana milk, how ridiculos is that, no freaking banana milk, no marshmellow popcorn, no ophelias cup, at least ky has more brands of jones soda. i mean i didnt even know some of these were made.
anyways, i am completly tired, so im going to go.
love--
tracy |
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1 liar -tell me a lie |
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| two in one day i must be feeling wordy....... |
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| 02:19am 13/11/2006 |
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mood: curious
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i miss how things used to be.
i love how things are now, im scared but i think i love it.
karma police by easy star all stars- this song rocks my mis-matched sock right off.
i cleaned the house today. all that needs to be done is laundry, the yard, and the stupid trash.
i miss my friends.
my heart says sad but smiles still linger
i have to work every day this week i mean wtf? 7 days straight isnt that illegal?
i need a nap. |
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1 liar -tell me a lie |
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| 11:35am 12/11/2006 |
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thers alot of things we dont talk about anymore.
theres alot of things i dont tell you when you call.
but it strikes me weird that i wont tell you but ill drop everything im doing just to talk to you.
cause sometimes just the sound of your voice makes me a little less crazy for the moment.
i think when we first met you wanted to fix me.
i think you think you can
i wish this was true
i really wish this was fixable
as it is not. i have been withholding information from you
cause i dont want my shit to build up on you
it will happen, its happened before to people and its not fair.
last night you called. and i didnt even want to talk to you
cause i was scared, i know you saw it in my eyes today, i know you realized that i had accepted this mistake ive made.
god i wish i had a fire estinguisher.
because ive burnt the bridge with murray.
without looking back or deciding to have an escape route
and look what ive done.
and i have no real plans on fixing it right now.
nicole came to see me this weekend
i was glad to see her.
i was a little wrapped up in the things going on here
but i was glad to see her, and burt too!
it is hot in this little room that im in,
and me and the boy are not the same. |
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tell me a lie |
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| 11:30pm 09/11/2006 |
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doing something that you think is going to make you happy is good
making sure thats really going to make you happy is key
there are alot of things going on in my life right now. thing s that i thought i could control
things that are out of my hands now.
i think the plan is maybe just going to be walk throught the first with my eyes cllosed for most of it. i mean open then a little for a couple of people but for the most part i just want to walk through the rest of it eyes closed. |
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tell me a lie |
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